Midwest Culture is unique.
We “America’s Heartlanders” are known for our outdoor hobbies, farming, winter survival strategies, hard work and country living.
We are also known for our politeness. It is, at times, an autopilot response to hold a door open, greet another with a smile, drop off treats for a neighbor or, when running into someone familiar, ask “How are you?” How often have we asked, “How are you?” and heard the answer good or fine or even answered this question ourselves this way?
Unfortunately, “Midwestern polite” has also created a belief that if we truly answer the question “How are you?” with honesty, we are burdening others. For this reason, we often answer good or fine when maybe, in fact, we are not. This is called passive communication.
Passive communication is when we do not express our feelings or needs, do not believe our feelings or needs matter equally to others, or often find ourselves apologizing for things. Over time, this passive communication style often leads to misunderstanding, anger or even resentment.
MORE: The Prairie Doc: Prescription drug ads can lead to unnecessary medications
This is where it is vital for us to understand emotional and social wellness skills. To learn that every single one of us as humans has feelings and that this is normal. The more we ignore these feelings, the more we affect our overall health.
Having the skills to be able to truly answer the question “How are you?” requires emotional wellness skills. The skills of recognizing one’s feelings, understanding those feelings, labeling them, expressing them and regulating them. This ability, known as the “RULER” skill, is an acronym for the five evidence-based skills of emotional intelligence (recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing and regulating) founded by psychologist Marc Brackett of Yale University. It is not a skill we are born with. This skill provides a sense of understanding and control of what is going on within us. Emotional wellness skills aid in our overall ability to manage stress, communicate effectively and manage conflict, which supports our overall physical wellness.
So, the next time a kind Midwesterner asks “How Are You?” I encourage you to be honest. I encourage you to use the skills of checking in to recognize how you really are feeling, labeling it and expressing it to that person asking.
MORE: The Prairie Doc: No Zero Days philosophy can improve your health
The other wonderful value we South Dakotans have is showing up for one another. We are not a burden. We are wonderful Midwestern neighbors who help each other. Let’s continue to work on defining and modeling that “Midwest Nice” as honest and authentic support.
Nikki Eining is a certified social worker and outpatient clinical mental health therapist Avera Medical Group Behavioral Health Brookings Clinic in Brookings. Follow The Prairie Doc at prairiedoc.org and on Facebook.
